but I suppose better late than never.

 

A bit about me is in order, I guess.  Not that I'm all that proud of being a yo-yo.  See, I've been 'chubby', 'large', 'fatso', and 'lard-butt' most all of my life.  I got used to those, and worse names, early in my childhood.  Along with shopping in the 'chubby' section of Sears for school clothes. 

 

I never participated in 'gym' class, mainly due to the fact that I was tired of constantly getting picked on, and made fun of, when I DID try to take part in anything.  I always finished dead last, or dropped the ball, or, well..insert your own phrase, I probably failed at it.  I was always the last one picked for anything, or not picked at all, in most cases.  I finally stopped 'dressing out' and simply sat in the bleachers, letting the 'perfect' kids take part.  By the time high school hit, I was wearing maternity clothes because nothing else really fit me.

 

Then, a miracle.  My family doctor put me on some sort of diet pills (I do wish I could remember the name!) and the pounds dropped off.  I wasn't jittery, or high or speeded out or anything, the weight just dropped off.  And I was soon a wonderful 115 pounds, and wearing clothes that were really HOT!  And gasp, I could even cross my legs!!  Now, that may not seem like all that big a deal to you, but I never could get my legs to cross because they were so big.  So crossing them was like a major milestone! 

 

I'm what they call a 'comfort' eater, I take comfort in food.  And my wonderful 115 streak didn't last too long.  A couple of bad relationships, and my weight started going up.  My Mother had a stroke, and I ate more.  Two bad marriages and we will NOT go into the kids, and up it went again.  I was over 200 pounds by this time.  And I really didn't hold out a lot of hope of ever being healthy or happy again.

 

After 2 frogs, I found my prince, and my third marriage is wonderful.  I have a man who loves me for me.  (And he can cook too!)  BUT, we both are 'fluffy' and while that makes for some really toasty snuggling in the winter time, lol, it doesn't make for good health or longevity.  We've tried losing weight before, me with a bit more gusto that the hubby, since he really doesn't LOOK big.  But his cooking, and my complete lack of willpower, kept me big, and getting bigger.

 

I fell in love with that TV show, The Biggest Loser.  I thought, 'Wow, if ordinary people like me can do it, then why can't *I* do it?'  from season one, I've wanted to be on that show, but as my sorry luck holds, no video camera...and they require a 5 minute video along with the application.  Heartbreak city, let me tell you.  Every season, I watch, cheering on those wonderful people, and wishing I was there.  (And wanting nothing more than to train with Bob. Not only is he a hunk, he cares about all aspects of his team, not just their bodies.  He is spiritual, and gets in their heads too.  I really admire that.  Jillian is cool too, and I hate the fact that she left the show.)

 

Well, finally coming to accept that Biggest Loser isn't coming to me, and I'll never meet Bob Harper, or Jillian Michaels (and crying a lot over both realizations), I decided to just give up.  What was the point?  I've never really been able to do anything 'by myself', I've always needed a support system.

 

Then, one night as the hubby and I were watching the Deal or No Deal Xmas special, one of the prizes the audience won (along with those at home) was a 2 week free pass to Bally's Fitness.  Ok, now free I can do!  So, we both went to sign up for it.  Well, they got us such a great deal, we joined as members.  Lol!   My starting weight as of January 6th was 235.5  And I was determined to change my eating habits, and work out at home as well as at Bally's.

 

Instead of eating one big meal in the evenings, I started eating several 'smaller' meals throughout the day.  I also used 2 big cans of juice as weights for curls to work on my arms.  The hubby gets a chuckle out of that.  And I tried to do 'step' routines on the stairs but just couldn't get it in sync with the music.

 

Went back to Bally's on the 13th, and headed for the scale, hoping to have at least lost a pound or two.  Imagine my shock at seeing I'd GAINED 5!!!  I was devastated.  It said the hubby had gained as well, and he eats less than I do.  We were both confused.  We'd both talked with a trainer but any further 'trainer' sessions have to be paid for so we are on our own as far as what to do or how to do it.  We do the 4 things he showed us, and then the hubby goes to the sauna, and I watch advanced classes of things I would love to get into but there are no beginning classes in the evenings, which is when we both go to work out.

 

Went to work out last night.  Tried 3 different scales, and got 3 different weights.  So now I don't know if I've gained or lost anything!  Nothing is consistent!  Did the usual 4 things, and watched an intermediate step class, then came home feeling as if I'd accomplished nothing at all.  I know I need more things to do there, but having never been in a fitness center before, I have no clue as to exactly what.  I'd love to go during the day, but I don't have anyone to work out with so the time passes more quickly and I enjoy it more.  And I don't know who to ask for more exercises or suggestions for things to do at home either.

 

I'd love to be able to join The Biggest Loser Club online.  Maybe there I could find a partner here where I live to work out with.  Maybe some more support.  Maybe some friends who have been there, done that, and can understand where I'm at.  But their only interest is the almighty dollar, so that's out.

 

I'll be heading back to Bally's on Wednesday.  But it's already getting boring, doing the same thing every time, and nothing new to break up the routine or make it more fun.  They say on Biggest Loser that you're supposed to have a variety, and switch up from time to time so that your body doesn't get 'used' to the same stuff.  It's getting the variety that is the hard part.  No one will tell me what to do! 

 

BOB, HELP!! 

 

Oh well...time for my granola bar and Crystal Light for breakfast.  Will add more tomorrow.